so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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