I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize