I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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