"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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