That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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