Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
FUCK WHALES
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