I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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