you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
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Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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