Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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