these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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