The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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