I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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