yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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