Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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