when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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