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Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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