I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I want a musical about memes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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