Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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