i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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