We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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