So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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