I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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