He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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