I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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