I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize