Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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