Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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