she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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