i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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