Sry I called you an 8
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
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Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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