Texts From Last Night

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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.

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  (709): took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable. http://tfl.nu/b0tu
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.

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  (845): I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach. http://tfl.nu/7dp2
  Replies (34) Good night (1252) Bad night (5087) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.

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  (626): Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting. http://tfl.nu/7nt8
  Replies (30) Good night (663) Bad night (4364)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??

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  (551): do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse?? http://tfl.nu/m371
  Replies (22) Good night (3534) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila

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  (805): i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila http://tfl.nu/c3w5
  Replies (17) Good night (3660) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on

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  (814): I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on http://tfl.nu/jkd3
  Replies (3) Good night (2818) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.

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  (256): I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies. http://tfl.nu/fekw
  Replies (4) Good night (482) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.

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  (479): Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE. http://tfl.nu/evb8
  Replies (10) Good night (547) Bad night (2147) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.

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  (623): How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you? (1-623): You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror. http://tfl.nu/pl6g
  Replies (10) Good night (832) Bad night (1495)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap

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  (806): Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap http://tfl.nu/wtva
  Replies (5) Good night (1219) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know

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  (413): styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know http://tfl.nu/4o79
  Replies (9) Good night (1191) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.

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  (330): Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/fh7u
  Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment

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  (610): How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment http://tfl.nu/bnot
  Replies (4) Good night (551) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa

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  (240): Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa http://tfl.nu/w8sz
  Replies (3) Good night (459) Bad night (208) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice

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  (843): You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice http://tfl.nu/t6a0
  Replies (7) Good night (193) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt

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