I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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