Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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