i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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