I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This is not my ceiling
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize