sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I just sharted jello shots
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