if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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