the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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