your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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