how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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