Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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