I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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