Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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