i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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