every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize