so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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