I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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