I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize