idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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