your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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